I was not going to post this because I didn’t want to bring anyone down. However, the last few months have been difficult for me. So, last night I kind of broke down. Some of you may know about my situations from last year. Both of my parents passed away and my daughter ran away from home. It’s just me, my husband and Chihuahua now. I know where my daughter is right now and I’ve had people hurt me in ways I never thought was possible.
We have been going through old photos and scanning them on the computer. It’s hard to not get emotional and to not cry. I know that for me I am with people who really love and care about me. So, why is it so difficult to see that the other relationships were toxic? I should not be around people who would try to hurt me. My situation with my family and my daughter is hard to explain. It would take more than a blog post to make you understand it all. Maybe a book is in order to explain it all. A jerry Springer show would be good.
I just wish my heart did not hurt so much. I wish I could stop thinking about the “what if” and face the fact that this is my life now. So, I was not only robbed of saying goodbye to my mother before she passed but I was also robbed of my daughter. All of this at the hands of my sister. The same sister that when she was kicked out of the house, I took her in and supported her. The same sister that had 2 babies by my daughters father. Yes, the same sister who a month before our mother passes away had lost her children and wanted my help to get them back. The same sister who kept our mothers death a secret from me. So, that I would not find out until it was almost 6 months to the day of mom passing away.
There is pain and no way that I could ever forgive her for the damage she has done. I can not express how I feel..I mean, how could I? My heart is broken. I have no way to get any answers. I have spent a year trying to put it all together like a puzzle. I’m still at a loss…..
How do you really recover from all that has happened? I’m not sure that you can recover. My competition last year helped me get through a few months to take my mind off things but guess what???? The pain is still there….